the rut.

I feel sick to my stomach

and want to claw out my skin;

want to pull out my hair.

It happens every time

and yet I can’t seem to break free

from this rut I am in.

I want to scream,

I want to yell,

I want to cry,

I want to hold you tight and apologise over and over again.

I don’t know why I’m this way,

why I freeze and freak out

when the one thing I want

is to be that close to you.

Just promise me that you won’t give up

on me and that you’ll stick around

while I work this out;

for losing you

would be losing my heart.